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::: Eduardo es cornut !!!!

escuchando ::: Muse ::: Resistance
leyendo ::: Santi Santamaria ::: La cocina al desnudo

He de reconocer que a mi pocas cosas me quitan el sueño.  Ni las preocupaciones, ni las broncas del curro, ni las gripes pandemicas han conseguido hasta ahora desvelarme.

Una sola cosa ha alterado estos dias mi sueño.  Una cosa que, independientemente de la dosis de violencia domestica que conlleva, nunca imagine que podia ser tan divertida ( de observar )… me estoy refiriendo a una pelea de novios a las tantas de la madrugada, para ser mas exactos, la bronca de Eduardo y su ( por entonces ) novia.

Para ponernos en situacion imaginar que estais sobando tranquilamente despues de un intenso dia de playa.  Imaginaros que tras la ingesta de una espectacular fideua, seguida de un postre casero de la señora Chelo, los correspondientes juanantonios fresquitos y una tarde de captura de medusas en la playa, habeis vuelto, os habeis quitado la arena albergada en todos los recovecos del cuerpo, habeis cenado frugalmente, tomado un par de cacharritos fresquitos a la luz del portatil y finalmente caido rendidos en la cama rezando para que los asiduos del bar de abajo, ese bar que presta el wifi a todo el vecindario, no se lien de bronca esta noche, como viene siendo habitual todos los fines de semana.

Y efectivamente y no.  Esta noche parece tranquila. O eso creia yo.

Sobre las dos y media de la mañana, el silencio se rompe por la conversacion a gritos de Eduardo y su novia.  Como hablaban en valenciano tampoco les hice mucho caso, ya que yo no entiendo la lengua aborigen, y por tanto no hice intencion ni de seguir escuchando hasta que empece a escuchar frases, que aun dichas en su lengua, prometian espectaculo :

– Eduardo: ” claro, un tio que te folla y te deja tirada… pues que esperas… ” –

– Eduardo ( tras una sarta de improperios de su novia ): ” que pasa que tiene una tranca asi… que tiene la polla mas grande que la mia?…” –

– mas gritos e improperios de la novia de Eduardo… –

La cosa estaba empezando a caldearse pero ninguno haciamos intención de movernos.  Mientras intentaba conciliar el sueño, Eduardo  continuaba con sus lamentos mientras la novia parloteaba sin parar:

– Eduardo: ” estoy hasta la polla del movil !!!  estoy hasta la polla del messenger !!! hasta la poyaaaaaaaa !!! ” –

En este momento se oye ruido de objetos rotos, cristal, metal… todos pensamos que estan pateando retrovisores pero no, son los moviles, que a aquellas alturas están rebotando por el suelo, y empiezan a escucharse persianas que se levantan, vecinos que empiezan a asomarse.

En ese momento se produce la frase que hace que todos los que estabamos en la casa nos interesemos por el tema… tras escucharse levantar una persiana, Eduardo suelta:

– Eduardo: ” O sea, un tio de treinta años te dice a ti, una chiqueta de veinticinco, que te vayas a su casa a ver una peli !!!  A VER UNA PELI !!!!  A VER UNA PELIIIIIIIIIIIIII !!!!  eso no te lo crees ni tu ni el que está levantando la persiana !!!! ” –

Creo que la carcajada se escucho en todo el vecindario, porque en ese momento ya eramos unos cuantos los que estabamos agazapados detras de las ventanas mirando como Eduardo hacia el gesto de la cornamenta mientras le gritaba a su novia — ” soy un coooornuuut !!!  soy un cornuuuuut !!! ” –

A esas alturas el personal ya estaba calentito… la gente descojonada asomada a los balcones, la novia de Eduardo lamentandose por su movil, Eduardo haciendo el signo de los cuernitos.

Alguien asomado a la ventana se pone a soplar un silbato ( ¿? ) igual pretendiendo que la Guardia Cerril le escuchase aunque el cuartelillo esté en el pueblo y no en la playa… y ya un poco hartos del espectaculo otro vecino empezo a increpar a Eduardo diciendole que se fuera a la cama ya.

Al final, la novia tiro calle arriba y Eduardo se fue a la acera de enfrente un poco por detras de ella, con lo que la cosa se fue calmando y todos empezamos poco a poco a volver a la cama.

Durante unos momentos seguimos escuchando a lo lejos al cornut de Eduardo pegando gritos, pero finalmente el sueño nos vencio, y caimos rendidos tras el espectaculo.

Al dia siguiente lo unico que quedaba de aquello eran las baterias de los dos moviles tiradas en el suelo y atropelladas por todos los coches que pasaron durante el dia por aquellos lares, el telefono de la novia de Eduardo completamente destrozado y el chascarrillo continuo de ” ahora viene Eduardo ”, ” a que llamamos a Eduardo ”, ” dile a Eduardo que se pida algo en la barra ”, y esas cosas que tan bien se nos dan a los españolitos.

He de reconocer que a mi pocas cosas me quitan el sueño.  Ni las preocupaciones, ni las broncas del curro, ni las gripes pandemicas han conseguido hasta ahora desvelarme.
Una sola cosa ha alterado estos dias mi sueño.  Una cosa que, independientemente de la dosis de violencia domestica que conlleva, nunca imagine que podia ser tan divertida ( de observar )… me estoy refiriendo a una pelea de novios a las tantas de la madrugada, para ser mas exactos, la bronca de Eduardo y su ( por entonces ) novia.
Para ponernos en situacion imaginar que estais sobando tranquilamente despues de un intenso dia de playa.  Imaginaros que tras la ingesta de una espectacular fideua, seguida de un postre casero de la señora Chelo, los correspondientes juanantonios fresquitos y una tarde de captura de medusas en la playa, habeis vuelto, os habeis quitado la arena albergada en todos los recovecos del cuerpo, habeis cenado frugalmente, tomado un par de cacharritos fresquitos a la luz del portatil y finalmente caido rendidos en la cama rezando para que los asiduos del bar de abajo, ese bar que presta el wifi a todo el vecindario, no se lien de bronca esta noche, como viene siendo habitual todos los fines de semana.
Y efectivamente y no.  Esta noche parece tranquila. O eso creia yo.
Sobre las dos y media de la mañana, el silencio se rompe por la conversacion a gritos de Eduardo y su novia.  Como hablaban en valenciano tampoco les hice mucho caso, ya que yo no entiendo la lengua aborigen, y por tanto no hice intencion ni de seguir escuchando hasta que empece a escuchar frases, que aun dichas en su lengua, prometian espectaculo :
– Eduardo: ” claro, un tio que te folla y te deja tirada… pues que esperas… ” –
– Eduardo ( tras una sarta de improperios de su novia ): ” que pasa que tiene una tranca asi… que tiene la polla mas grande que la mia?…” –
– mas gritos e improperios de la novia de Eduardo… –
La cosa estaba empezando a caldearse pero ninguno haciamos intención de movernos.  Mientras intentaba conciliar el sueño, Eduardo  continuaba con sus lamentos mientras la novia parloteaba sin parar:
– Eduardo: ” estoy hasta la polla del movil !!!  estoy hasta la polla del messenger !!! hasta la poyaaaaaaaa !!! ” –
En este momento se oye ruido de objetos rotos, cristal, metal… todos pensamos que estan pateando retrovisores pero no, son los moviles, que a aquellas alturas están rebotando por el suelo, y empiezan a escucharse persianas que se levantan, vecinos que empiezan a asomarse.
En ese momento se produce la frase que hace que todos los que estabamos en la casa nos interesemos por el tema… tras escucharse levantar una persiana, Eduardo suelta:
– Eduardo: ” O sea, un tio de treinta años te dice a ti, una chiqueta de veinticinco, que te vayas a su casa a ver una peli !!!  A VER UNA PELI !!!!  A VER UNA PELIIIIIIIIIIIIII !!!!  eso no te lo crees ni tu ni el que está levantando la persiana !!!! ” –
Creo que la carcajada se escucho en todo el vecindario, porque en ese momento ya eramos unos cuantos los que estabamos agazapados detras de las ventanas mirando como Eduardo hacia el gesto de la cornamenta mientras le gritaba a su novia — ” soy un coooornuuut !!!  soy un cornuuuuut !!! ” –
A esas alturas el personal ya estaba calentito… la gente descojonada asomada a los balcones, la novia de Eduardo lamentandose por su movil, Eduardo haciendo el signo de los cuernitos.
Alguien asomado a la ventana se pone a soplar un silbato ( ¿? ) igual pretendiendo que la Guardia Cerril le escuchase aunque el cuartelillo esté en el pueblo y no en la playa… y ya un poco hartos del espectaculo otro vecino empezo a increpar a Eduardo diciendole que se fuera a la cama ya.
Al final, la novia tiro calle arriba y Eduardo se fue a la acera de enfrente un poco por detras de ella, con lo que la cosa se fue calmando y todos empezamos poco a poco a volver a la cama.
Durante unos momentos seguimos escuchando a lo lejos al cornut de Eduardo pegando gritos, pero finalmente el sueño nos vencio, y caimos rendidos tras el espectaculo.
Al dia siguiente lo unico que quedaba de aquello eran las baterias de los dos moviles tiradas en el suelo y atropelladas por todos los coches que pasaron durante el dia por aquellos lares, el telefono de la novia de Eduardo completamente destrozado y el chascarrillo continuo de ” ahora viene Eduardo ”, ” a que llamamos a Eduardo ”, ” dile a Eduardo que se pida algo en la barra ”, y esas cosas que tan bien se nos dan a los españolitos.

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